Rings of Smoke

i am alive.and as well as can be expected in the circumstances.have not been posting cuz did not get any time to write. not that with the things i have been doing, there has been any inclination to. i have been doing two of those most detestable of things…updating my resume; and reading research papers. choosing dissertation in lieu of a full credit course was a mistake.in the past two weeks, for that one things,i have read more research papers than i probably have in all my courses combined in the past five terms. bad. have reviewed nearly a hundred papers even. so even typing records are being beaten, as i have already typed some 40 pages even before i have begun working on my questionnaire. and i have 10 days left to finish the study.shit!fingers and mind both are aching from straight 9 hours sessions i have been having each night for the past four nights: typing and reading, reading and typing, typing and rea…you get the picture why i hate the clickety click sound of the keys plodding now…and why i can’t think of something to write…my brain is stifled with online communications and their impacts and the variables that impact and are impacted by online communications.bah!

oh,and the XLdream run did take place.i managed to participate, at eight in the morning,after three wishkeys in the night, and a warm beer at 4am, and a four hour session of typing which began at 2am…kaushal woke me up after exactly 10 minutes of sleep. in the event, i was lucky to be able to finish the race…and finish a credible 25th out of some 300 runners (i cheated,i walked for nearly 200metres after i found three quarters of the way that i was amazingly short of breath and in danger of suffocation-i had forgotten the escalated count of cigarettes that all this studying means i am consuming). anyways…we managed to finish 2nd in the team category-kaushal finishing 13th and chintan 105th. the event was great.
MadShuks has uploaded a flash of photos of the XLDreamRun here

geoff boycott (before england’s tour to india begins): england have their best chance because india will be in test mode

ankur saboo (after india make 387 in the first ODI): boycott was right…india ARE in test mode…after all,about four hundred is what they make in a test innings…

muhahahaha

last two days have been full of turmoil.i have missed three classes,but two of them were ethics lectures,which means i have missed far too many of them.i have been sleeping like drugged,and the body has constantly been refusing to work like i command it to.meanwhile,absurdities are unfolding all around me,with a large cross-section of people unveiling the idiots they have hidden inside and insisting on giving them centre-stage.some of them have been doing so anonymously.oh well…

meanwhile,SKJ became a father the day-before.so,i am uncle now.he called me y’day with the news,and even in his desperate happiness,i sensed an attempt of placation,as he was trying to reconcile the differences between bhabhi and me.cannot be done,at least not now.SKJ has a special place always,and will always have,but some hurts go too deep to be bridged.i do not think i shall be calling bhabhi with my congratulations any time soon.

i somehow sense that this phase is a very important one in my life.not just professionally.some months back,AG told me that the root cause of most problems i face is a lack of assertiveness…that i am too laid back and reserved.i told her that i knew she was right,and she asked me that if i knew,why did not i do something about it?i guess the time has come.to wrest back control of life,and to finally make some decisions about my own life and the way i want to live it.to break some bonds.

in cold blood,and perhaps with a cold heart,i have decided to snap away clean from the past,and all that it means to me.i have to have a fresh start,and that has to be the starting point.i have to wipe the slate clean,not by dint of justice,that is not possible to.but it will give me,and many others relief from misery if we laid the past to rest.its not about forgetting.its just about refusing to ponder it.i am breaking all bonds with the past.people.lives,habits.everything.maybe not a good thing to do.but definitely the right thing to do.

good bye.

current song: where the streets have no name

apparantly, Shakuntala Bhatia, the wife of late producer director Rajendra Bhatia has claimed that Golmaal Returns is based on her late husband’s film “Aj Ki Taaza Khabar”. Meanwhile, we also hear this:

Tusshar’s teacher Vikas Kadam (for the deaf and dumb skills) is a stage guy who told us that even Aaj Ki Tazaa Khabar had been adapted from a regional play which in turn, was also inspired from a French film. We didn’t know whom the rights existed with. For the first Golmaal we had bought the rights of the Gujarati play Aflatoon, so why shouldn’t we with GR?”

strange.anyways, i find the demand for compensation a bit ironic…if it was my husband’s work that Golmaal Return had been based on,to protect his good name, i would try to put as much distance as possibly between the work and Golmaal Returns.i wonder if the late Mr. Bhatia is turning in his grave enraged by this sully to his good name…

P.S. we also hear that Rohit Shetty is already planning Golmaal 3. May the lord be benevolent and afflict him with permanent amnesia and other such nonlethal nasty things that might prevent him from loosing his nonexistent sense of humor on us again…

Current Song: Mujhe Dard Rehta Hai :P

it is not always important to know what you want to become…sometimes it is important to know what you do not want to become.

Current Song: when the smoke is going down (scorpions)

i think sometimes,
of you,
putting your hands on your cheeks,
looking at me,
thoughtfully,
half-mockingly,
spending my life looking at that image,
and you,
animate form of life,
sometimes i think,
you are so pretty,
and i so ugly,
never the twain to meet,
sometimes,
i have even laid awake at night,
thinking of you and me,
and what could be,
and what will not…

i believe,
that we can sometime make it,
maybe forty six years later,
when we both have grey hair,
you and me looking at each other
through thick glasses,
maybe in love,
maybe not,
or may be;
just companions,
complementary other halves
or maybe not…

we laugh at each other,
and each other’s jokes,
maybe four years are solid background,
for forty six,
but can i trust myself that long?
to live that long?
though if thats the price,
i probably would…
would you?

dedicated to the surrealist. i will be writing more about her soon.

so one goes to dadu’s today to get a coffee and smoke, and after all the hectic activity of the summers week, one is bit more peaceful, and able to observe things. and so, what does one see? a new addition; an accessory probably installed during the diwali days.

front view

and so we can now be assured that no one will be lightly dekhoing dadu’s with a ‘buri nazar’ without getting their faces blackened…such fun it would be…to catch hold of the ‘buri-nazar-waala’ (why not waali?) and take a can of black paint and brush and learn art on their face…yaayy…bring on the buri-nazar-waalas…we are off to buy our can of black paint!!!

Current Song: Tumhe Aaj Maine Jo Dekha Current Mood: Upbeat

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the body is tired.fever will not go away.and there is too much work which cannot possibly be morally refused to be done.the joints are going mad and the back lives in a world of its own.haven’t jogged in nearly a month,and the run is also coming,on 16th.will be lucky to even complete a run which i was the favorite to win a month ago.

the body is so weak.and the mind has become weak.a loss of will power.what does a man who has lived life in a celebration of mind over fragile body do when the mind throws in the towel?i want more willpower.cannot stop.CANNOT!

and the one who are the joy of life has been trying their best to screw the life,as usual…

again. fever. crippling ache in the back. equally crippling cramps all over the thighs and hamstrings. bad pains in my knees and ankles. cannot sit. cannot stand. have a presentation in the evening which i must attend, do not know how…a three hour lecture. mad with my body for refusing to cope up. cannot sleep. laptop is malfunctioning again. does windows vista suck big time! can’t focus. yet again, no work done on the dissert. mad at myself for being unable to work. have not been doing services work even…what must they be thinking of me!

damn damn damn damn damn!